Secrets
by pkdainichi
Summary: Stark's mask reveals more secrets, which causes more problems for John and Aeryn. (AU, simply for the fact that I started writing it after "The Choice" and didn't finish it until now.)
1. Chapter 1 Late Night TV

John had been awake for...much, much too long now. He was exhausted, but his mind refused to let him sleep. Every time he was about to drift off, his mind added another gruesome image of The Other's death...or his own...or, worse yet, Aeryn's. He finally gave up and sat up in bed. What to do, what to do. He felt a sudden pang of loss for Earth...if he was home, he could have turned on the TV and watched Party of Five or Grace Under Fire reruns till he finally passed out from pure exhaustion. He looked around the room and saw Stark's mask still sitting on his makeshift desk. 'Not TV...but it'll do...' He thought. He walked across the room and picked up the mask, expecting it to instantly activate at his touch like the first time. Nothing. He wondered...  
"Curiosity killed the cat ...but this feline's got eight lives left...lets peek in Pandora's box," he said aloud. He pulled the mask on over his face...and screamed with pain. The mask caused a sudden burning sensation in the back of his brain, near his cerebral cortex and froze him in place. It was like the exact moment when the Ancients had put the wormhole tech in his brain...or when he had been frozen under the disco ball in the Scarren's mental funhouse...but it was a million times worse. He still felt the burning at the base of his skull, now blinding and paired with the sound of an inhuman scream.   
"WHY JOHN?!? WHY?!" It was Harvey. He was dying. The mask was killing him. The pain increased in time with the screaming as another scream entered the fray- a part of him vaguely recognized it as him. The pain suddenly ended, as well as the screaming, and John dropped to the floor, completely exhausted, more then he had ever been before. He laid there for several microts, panting, when he finally closed his eyes and shouted inside his mind-   
"Harvey?" No reply. Once more.  
"HARVEY?" One more time, just to be sure...  
"HARVEY? ANSWER ME, DAMNIT!" Nothing. He was gone. Finally. A random late night encounter with Stark's mask had done what a major surgery and arns of meditation and counseling from Zhaan couldn't: It had killed Harvey. John stood up and danced around the room muttering, "Who's the man? I am! Thankyouthankyou, Stark, you beautiful Banik bastard!" He laughed, the same crazy sounding laugh he had had...since he got to the U.T.s. He lay back down on the floor. He rolled on to his back, enjoying the feeling of being alone in his own mind for the first time in...forever. He looked up and saw that Stark's mask was still hovering in the air, where he had been seconds before. He gasped and stared at it... 


	2. Chapter 2 Not Strong Enough

John stood up and touched the mask. There was a bright flash, and then a holographic-like image of Stark appeared in the center of the room.  
"John, if you see this message, then the Scorpius clone in your mind is dead. This means you are ready to know the truth. When your double died, he provided me with your memories. His neural clone died before he did. The memory of The Ancient Jack destroying the clone caused yours to die. You may now be ready to receive his memories...you may not. You must make the decision for yourself, and if necessary, reactivate the mask when you've made your choice."  
"Touch the screen to continue..." he thought aloud as he placed his hand over the mask. There was another flash and John became froze again. Memories came to him: fighting with Aeryn on the budong, naming stars, making love, Pina Coladas, the mist, "Jack", Furlow, ScarrensChariddsloveAeryn- Death. And then it was over. His mind cleared. John now remembered everything that had happened on Talyn.  
"Gotta tell Aeryn...gotta...sleep first..." he thought just as he fell on the floor in an ungraceful heap.  
  
Aeryn awoke very suddenly in the middle of ship's night. She felt a warm, wet sensation around her midsection. She reached down inside the covers and felt liquid on her fingers. She pulled her hand out and saw blood.  
"Frell." She had been off lately, which she had been blaming on the amount of stress she had been dealing with. Apparently not. She sighed heavily, then got up so she could clear off the bedding and go grab more from the ships storage. She hit the controls for the lights and pulled back the sheet- and that's when she realized something was wrong. It was too much blood. Too much tissue. Aeryn sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the amount of blood and tissue there and became numb with shock. She started crying...before long the tears wouldn't stop. She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs, and buried her face against her knees. She had just lost the last part of John she might ever have.  
"John...I'm not strong enough to do this without you..." 


	3. Chapter 3 Communications Breakdown

It was late in the ship's day when John finally awoke. He rolled over and tried to remember why he needed to find Aeryn... Oh yes. The memories. But, as D'Argo once said, John smelled like dren. So first shower and change of clothes. Then Aeryn.  
  
Aeryn had been awake and moving already for several arns by the time that John got up. She was currently headed to the medical bay for a physical. She wanted to be sure of what had happened last night, so she asked Jool for help. The redhead was examining what was left of the boolite when Aeryn walked in.  
"Jool." The girl jumped halfway into the air.  
"Oh! You scared me. I thought you weren't coming in till later."  
"Well, I'm not busy now and apparently nether are you. So lets get this over with."  
"Alright then, remove your garments and change into a medical gown."  
  
Aeryn was behind the privacy screen changing back into her normal clothes as Jool told her of the results.  
"Well, you seem to be in perfect physical health," she turned to face Aeryn as Aeryn stepped out from behind the screen, "So my question to you is: Why did you come down here asking for a physical if you're completely fine?"  
"That's none of your business."  
"Well, I think it is."  
"And I don't think it is, so it isn't you business, and I suggest you drop it."  
"I bet you'd be willing to tell Zhaan." Aeryn reached out and grabbed Jool by the through, then pinned her to the wall.  
"Listen to me, you little trelk, you never knew Zhaan. I did. She was almost like a mother to me. I would have told her, yes, but because she was close to me. You are not. Do not assume you are." Aeryn released Jool, did an about face, then walked out of the medical bay. Jool stared after her.  
"What's wrong with her?"  
  
John stepped out of the shower and looked for his clothes. He sighed as he realized the only shirt he had that was even close to being clean was his old gray one. He made a note to wash his clothes or talk Chiana into doing it, then got dressed.  
  
Aeryn sighed as John appeared to her again in Command.  
"I thought I left you behind on the dead planet."  
"You did. But we need to talk." He looked so innocent. Grey shirt, kaki pants, less wrinkles, bright smile...she turned away from him.  
"John...this isn't good for me. I need to move on. I can't do that if you're here." She turned to face him again...and he was gone. Even as a ghost, he was erratic. Aeryn sighed and went back to work.  
  
John walked into Command, not expecting Aeryn to be there.   
"Hey. How you doing? Still not talking to me?" Aeryn turned, ready to tell a ghost to leave, but instead saw John, the real John, standing there. He looked almost like the ghost...gray shirt...but the wrinkles...the lines of sadness superimposed into his eyes...  
"Uh, Crichton. I am fine. I do not need your help."  
"I'm not here to help you. I'm here to talk to you."  
"I'm busy. Can't this wait?"  
"Aeryn...we need to talk."  
"Crichton..." she held back a sigh. So stubborn...just like...  
"Aeryn...last night...something...happened...I can't explain it. But I know. I know what happened...between you and...well, I still want to call him that other guy, but there is no other guy anymore. Just me." He smiled and moved towards her, arms open, waiting for a hug. Aeryn looked horrified and backed away.  
"I...I..." she stumbled over words, trying to find an excuse to leave. John's eyes widened and tears started to form.  
"Aeryn...please...don't...don't...I need to talk to you!" she started to run, and John ran after her. He grabbed one of her arms and pulled her to him. She struggled against him, trying to get away.  
"Aeryn..." his voice was rough with tears. "No...you can't go. I've lost everything, Aeryn...I've lost Earth...I've lost my family...I've lost hope...I can't lose you. If I lose you...the only thing I'll have left is my gun. When I was in that coma, your love was what kept me alive...Now that your love is gone...I don't want to have to use the gun, Aeryn..." he sobbed and tried to pull her closer. He was breaking down now, totally oblivious to the fact that he was hurting her and she was now crying. She gathered all her strength and pulled away from him, then ran from Command as fast as her legs would take her. John gasped and fell to his knees on the floor, now full out sobbing. Chiana stepped out of the shadows of Command. She had stood there, unnoticed, watching John's outburst. She walked over to him, help him up, wiped away his tears and shushed him. He smiled insanely at her.  
"Heya Pip...how long where you watching?" Chiana pulled back from him.  
"Long enough." She then smacked him across the face. He yelped and stumbled backwards. "You think it's hard for you? What about her? You know what its like to lose love, you've been through it before. She never knew love, not till you came along. She's never mourned anyone before. She's never felt a loss like this. Think about what she's going through, and remember how it felt when she died before you talk to her again." Chiana walked out of Command, then stopped at the door. "I'm going to find Aeryn and try to fix the damage you've done."  
  
Chiana didn't have to walk far to find Aeryn. She was sitting on the floor just outside Command, knees to her chest, cheek pressed to the tops of her knees, arms wrapped around her face, trembling and making sobbing noises. Chiana assumed Aeryn was still crying, but couldn't tell because she was facing the other way.  
"Aeryn?"  
"Go away."  
"Aeryn...please...you should talk to someone." Chiana slowly sat down next to Aeryn.  
"I don't need to talk to anyone."  
"Aeryn...what's wrong? Besides that scene back there?"  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
"Yes I would...you're more honest then I am, Aeryn. You're probably the most honest and trustworthy person on the ship. Tell me. Please?"  
"I...I was carrying John's child."  
"You...that's great...but what do you mean was?"  
"I..." she gulped, "I had a miscarriage. You know, when I was in the peacekeepers there were stories about women who had gone on shore leave while on birthing duty and drank to much fellip nectar and lost the child. I never believed them...now I do..." she turned her head to face Chiana. "I need him...I feel so weak now that I've lost the child...because I know it was my fault...and I need him so much..."  
"Oh, hey...I'm sure it wasn't your fault...but...you know...John...he's still here. He's as stubborn as ever and he still loves you. If you still need him...be friends first. The rest will come with time."  
"Friends? What do you mean?"  
"You've never had a friend? A friend is...someone you care about, sometimes someone you love. They aren't always related to you by blood, but they are related to you by heart. In some cases, they're as close as family, ready to step in when things go wrong and lend a hand and ease the pain. Sometimes they're closer then that, ready to die for you, because they love you."  
"Are we friends?"  
"Uh...yea. I think we are." Then younger girl smiled. Aeryn smiled back.  
  
Things where okay. For now. 


	4. Sleepover

The lights had gone out. The lights on Moya go out all the time, but   
  
this was over two arns before ship's night. Chiana and Aeryn's   
  
conversation was interrupted by the darkness.  
  
"What the frell?" Pilot commed the whole crew.  
  
"I apologize for the darkness. Due to the strain of keeping Talyn on  
  
life support, Moya is having to divert power from non-essential systems.  
  
I must warn you that the heating will be turned off in most of the ship  
  
shortly- if you'd like to sleep somewhere warm, I suggest you make your  
  
way to the chamber outside my den. In a few microts, it'll be the only  
  
one with heat and lights."   
  
"Damn," muttered Chiana, "why can't we just dump the brat?"  
  
"Hey, I like that brat." Chiana and Aeryn made their way towards Pilot's  
  
den.  
  
Crichton was in the chamber with blankets before anyone else got there.  
  
He had grabbed enough for everyone out of the stores on the level his normal   
  
quarters were on before leaving. Ever since the interlude in Command, he had   
  
been in there, crying, and punching walls and himself. He had made sure to   
  
grab enough for everyone- he'd be damned if Crais was going to bunk with Aeryn.   
  
Due to their close proximity, Aeryn and Chiana were the first ones to join him.   
  
Crichton stared at the floor. He cleared his throat.  
  
"Uh...heya...I got blankets, if you want 'em." Crichton grabbed a blanket off   
  
the pile, then retreated to the back corner of the room. He set down the   
  
blanket and turned to face the wall, avoiding the urge to sulk. Chiana poked   
  
Aeryn.  
  
"Maybe you should, uh, offer to share his blanket. For warmth."  
  
"Chiana...it's too soon."  
  
"Well, at least lay next to him." Aeryn looked at John and decided Chiana was   
  
right. She moved to the back of the room and laid down next to John without  
  
a word. He felt the presence of her warmth beside him, and opened his mouth to   
  
speak. Then Rygel came in, ranting and raving about how it wasn't worthy of a   
  
Dominar to bunk with persons who weren't his wives or concubines. D'Argo   
  
stormed in after him, and started yelling at the tiny frog. Crais came in and   
  
also started whining. Chiana quickly suggested he and Rygel go back to their   
  
own damn quarters if they wanted solitude, and freeze on their own. Both   
  
summarily shut up. Around fifteen microts after everyone had shown up and   
  
settled down, most of the crew fell asleep, except Crichton. He rolled over,   
  
and found Aeryn facing him, still awake as well.  
  
"Uh...about earlier. I'm sorry." Aeryn nodded. He continued: "why'd you   
  
freak out so bad? Was it just me, or something else?"  
  
"I..." she looked off into space. She sighed, bit her lip, then continued:   
  
"I was pregnant."  
  
"Oh. Heh. Isn't that great? I mean...is it mine? It is mine, right? Even   
  
if it is from the other guy, it's still mine..." Aeryn was softly sobbing.  
  
"I said was, John. I had a miscarriage. Last night. I think it was his...  
  
yours." Aeryn began to sob. "I'm...I'm not so strong anymore, I can't deal   
  
with emotions like these...I've never felt like this before, and I don't   
  
understand it, I just want the pain to stop.." He snuggled up to her and held   
  
her close.  
  
"Oh god Aeryn...I'm sorry..." She looked up at him.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For forcing you to open up...for making you susceptible to all these horrible   
  
emotions..."  
  
"Hey...it's not that bad." She sniffled. "I like...I like the being happy   
  
part."  
  
"I'd like to help you with that. If you'd like to finish crying first..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I find it helps to just let it all out." Aeryn sniffled and snuggled into him   
  
again. She cried a little more, and so did John. Eventually, they both fell   
  
asleep, exhausted.  
  
The next morning, Chiana was the first one up. She saw the pair, now spooning,   
  
and decided to stay, in order to shuffle everyone else out so that they'd be   
  
alone. After they were all gone, she stopped at the door and looked back.  
  
"Okay. So they're very close friends." She smiled and walked away. 


End file.
